Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Publication Suspended

Silly News has suspended publication indefinitely due to lack of readership.  Thank you for visiting and please enjoy reading some of our 80 blog entries by clicking on the archives in the right margin.

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Stinky Product Name

Most car fresheners hang from the rear view mirror and smell like a pine tree.  A local discount store is selling these unusual car fresheners that open like a can of Sterno.  What does baby doll scent smell like?  Is it a pungent mix of drool, sour milk and soiled diapers?  What other products will be brought to us by the makers of Can-O-Scent?  Bottle-O-Smell?  Jar-O-Stink?  How about the family size Bucket-O-Stench?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Satanists Rally for Gov. Rick Scott

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA - A Satanic rally downtown this Friday is actually part of a mockumentary film.
     Makers of  The Temple of Satan pretended to be a real cult when they announced the rally two weeks ago.  Unfortunately, The Huffington Post and MSNBC both fell for the hoax in reporting the story.  Kudos to Michael Van Sickler at the Miami Herald for uncovering the truth Jan. 16.  With a little online research, he found the casting call for The Temple of Satan seeking 18 unpaid extras from all walks of life.  They are required to show up for Friday's rally wearing "tasteful Satanic garb."
      All 18 parts have been filled.
     In the initial press release, The Temple of Satan overlord/spokesman/casting director claimed the devil worshipers were rallying to support Florida's Governor Rick Scott.  Last year, he signed a new law that allows students of any denomination to lead prayers in Florida public schools.  At Friday's rally, the movie makers will pretend to thank the unpopular Republican governor for allowing Satan worshiping kids to finally come out of the closet and openly recruit for their dark master.
      Earlier today, in a press release from Hell, Lucifer denied any affiliation with the cult or the film The Temple of Satan.  However, he renewed his support of Governor Rick Scott and the Republican Party.
      So, let's recap.  A fake documentary is being filmed about fake Satanists who are pretending to support a Christian conservative governor that they really don't like.  The hoax was reported as fact by lazy commentators who are not real journalists.  Now, YOU are reading the truth which I am writing under a fake pen name on my comical blog, which is not a real news source.
     Any questions?
     Please return your tray to the upright and locked position as you return to reality.

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Questionable Market Strategy

At the local Big Lots discount store, I've found a line of Sesame Street soaps and shampoos.  My favorite is this hair detangler spray because when I want my hair to look good ... I want to look like a Muppet.  Photo by Ralph Zenith Business Reporter www.silly-news.com

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Harvard Professor Seeks Adventurous Woman for Sexual Experimentation

By Nicola Braun
Science Reporter
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS - Many of yesterday's headlines read like singles ads and were just as misleading.
     Today, a Harvard University professor denied that he seeks a woman to give birth to a clone of a neanderthal caveman.  Professor George M. Church may look like Ron Pearlman in Quest for Fire, but he is a world renown geneticist.  He helped launch the human genome project that deciphered human DNA.  So, when Church talks, people listen.
     Unfortunately, Church said his interview with the German magazine Der Spiegel was badly mistranslated.  By the time his words had been converted to German and then back to English, his meaning had mutated faster than a monster from a B-rate science fiction movie.  Then, the reports of his mad scientist scheme spread around the world media faster than a virus from a doomsday film.
     In fact, Church had only said that cloning a neanderthal from fossils would soon be possible.  He said finding a woman willing to carry and deliver the baby would be harder than solving the technical problems.  The prospect of resurrecting extinct cavemen raised so many social and ethical questions that Church warned the public to start debating the issues now.
      Naturally, it took a Massachusetts newspaper to set the world media straight.  Church said a follow-up interview with the Boston Herald got all the facts right.  Ironically, the Herald is just a tabloid.  The Boston Globe is actually that city's world class newspaper.  It's a sad day indeed when the Boston Herald has to be the voice of reason.

Lawyer Prostitutes Himself

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
EAGAN, MINNESOTA - According to the Office of Lawyers Professional Responsibility a local attorney  "unconditionally admitted the allegations" that he charged a client for having sex.
     The 58-year-old lawyer billed a woman for meetings and drafting memos about her divorce during the time they actually spent shagging.  He only charged his normal hourly rate for legal services.  That's what you call a full service law practice.
     Despite his impressive display of multitasking, the attorney was suspended by the Minnesota Supreme Court on January 10.  He cannot file for reinstatement for at least 15 months.  Don't count him out.  This is the same lawyer who was placed on probation in 1997 for buying cocaine from a client.
     Allegedly, the woman had a history of abuse and mental illness and had already known this attorney for several years when she hired him for her divorce in August 2011.  Her run of luck continued without a break.  Within days, her trusty lawyer began making passes.  Their affair lasted from September 2011 to March 2012.  Allegedly, the attorney simultaneously broke off their legal and sexual relationships in an attempt to save his own marriage.  His rejected client tried to kill herself and disclosed the matter while she was hospitalized.  Great!  Now, she's in a hospital bed, on the rebound again and attended by DOCTORS.  She'd better go over her medical bills VERY closely.

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A Man of Many Hats

On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I saw these 3 helmets for sale at the Goodwill Thrift Store in Port Charlotte, Florida.  The helmets on the left and right were obviously construction site hardhats.  The pink, German, crash helmet in the center baffled me.  Was it donated to Goodwill by a member of a gay, Nazi bike gang?
Photo by Ralph Zenith, Business Reporter, www.silly-news.com