Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Publication Suspended

Silly News has suspended publication indefinitely due to lack of readership.  Thank you for visiting and please enjoy reading some of our 80 blog entries by clicking on the archives in the right margin.

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Stinky Product Name


Most car fresheners hang from the rear view mirror and smell like a pine tree.  A local discount store is selling these unusual car fresheners that open like a can of Sterno.  What does baby doll scent smell like?  Is it a pungent mix of drool, sour milk and soiled diapers?  What other products will be brought to us by the makers of Can-O-Scent?  Bottle-O-Smell?  Jar-O-Stink?  How about the family size Bucket-O-Stench?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Satanists Rally for Gov. Rick Scott

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA - A Satanic rally downtown this Friday is actually part of a mockumentary film.
     Makers of  The Temple of Satan pretended to be a real cult when they announced the rally two weeks ago.  Unfortunately, The Huffington Post and MSNBC both fell for the hoax in reporting the story.  Kudos to Michael Van Sickler at the Miami Herald for uncovering the truth Jan. 16.  With a little online research, he found the casting call for The Temple of Satan seeking 18 unpaid extras from all walks of life.  They are required to show up for Friday's rally wearing "tasteful Satanic garb."
      All 18 parts have been filled.
     In the initial press release, The Temple of Satan overlord/spokesman/casting director claimed the devil worshipers were rallying to support Florida's Governor Rick Scott.  Last year, he signed a new law that allows students of any denomination to lead prayers in Florida public schools.  At Friday's rally, the movie makers will pretend to thank the unpopular Republican governor for allowing Satan worshiping kids to finally come out of the closet and openly recruit for their dark master.
      Earlier today, in a press release from Hell, Lucifer denied any affiliation with the cult or the film The Temple of Satan.  However, he renewed his support of Governor Rick Scott and the Republican Party.
      So, let's recap.  A fake documentary is being filmed about fake Satanists who are pretending to support a Christian conservative governor that they really don't like.  The hoax was reported as fact by lazy commentators who are not real journalists.  Now, YOU are reading the truth which I am writing under a fake pen name on my comical blog, which is not a real news source.
     Any questions?
     Please return your tray to the upright and locked position as you return to reality.

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Questionable Market Strategy


At the local Big Lots discount store, I've found a line of Sesame Street soaps and shampoos.  My favorite is this hair detangler spray because when I want my hair to look good ... I want to look like a Muppet.  Photo by Ralph Zenith Business Reporter www.silly-news.com

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Harvard Professor Seeks Adventurous Woman for Sexual Experimentation

By Nicola Braun
Science Reporter
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS - Many of yesterday's headlines read like singles ads and were just as misleading.
     Today, a Harvard University professor denied that he seeks a woman to give birth to a clone of a neanderthal caveman.  Professor George M. Church may look like Ron Pearlman in Quest for Fire, but he is a world renown geneticist.  He helped launch the human genome project that deciphered human DNA.  So, when Church talks, people listen.
     Unfortunately, Church said his interview with the German magazine Der Spiegel was badly mistranslated.  By the time his words had been converted to German and then back to English, his meaning had mutated faster than a monster from a B-rate science fiction movie.  Then, the reports of his mad scientist scheme spread around the world media faster than a virus from a doomsday film.
     In fact, Church had only said that cloning a neanderthal from fossils would soon be possible.  He said finding a woman willing to carry and deliver the baby would be harder than solving the technical problems.  The prospect of resurrecting extinct cavemen raised so many social and ethical questions that Church warned the public to start debating the issues now.
      Naturally, it took a Massachusetts newspaper to set the world media straight.  Church said a follow-up interview with the Boston Herald got all the facts right.  Ironically, the Herald is just a tabloid.  The Boston Globe is actually that city's world class newspaper.  It's a sad day indeed when the Boston Herald has to be the voice of reason.


Lawyer Prostitutes Himself

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
EAGAN, MINNESOTA - According to the Office of Lawyers Professional Responsibility a local attorney  "unconditionally admitted the allegations" that he charged a client for having sex.
     The 58-year-old lawyer billed a woman for meetings and drafting memos about her divorce during the time they actually spent shagging.  He only charged his normal hourly rate for legal services.  That's what you call a full service law practice.
     Despite his impressive display of multitasking, the attorney was suspended by the Minnesota Supreme Court on January 10.  He cannot file for reinstatement for at least 15 months.  Don't count him out.  This is the same lawyer who was placed on probation in 1997 for buying cocaine from a client.
     Allegedly, the woman had a history of abuse and mental illness and had already known this attorney for several years when she hired him for her divorce in August 2011.  Her run of luck continued without a break.  Within days, her trusty lawyer began making passes.  Their affair lasted from September 2011 to March 2012.  Allegedly, the attorney simultaneously broke off their legal and sexual relationships in an attempt to save his own marriage.  His rejected client tried to kill herself and disclosed the matter while she was hospitalized.  Great!  Now, she's in a hospital bed, on the rebound again and attended by DOCTORS.  She'd better go over her medical bills VERY closely.

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A Man of Many Hats





On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I saw these 3 helmets for sale at the Goodwill Thrift Store in Port Charlotte, Florida.  The helmets on the left and right were obviously construction site hardhats.  The pink, German, crash helmet in the center baffled me.  Was it donated to Goodwill by a member of a gay, Nazi bike gang?
Photo by Ralph Zenith, Business Reporter, www.silly-news.com

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Python Challenge 2013

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
EVERGLADES, FLORIDA - When He kicked Adam and Eve out of Eden, God said to the serpent, "I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed. He shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel."
     Well, God wasn't just whistling Dixie.
     Like a scene from a B-grade horror film, over 800 hunters are crashing through the swamp with guns and machetes this weekend.  Their goal is to kill as many Burmese pythons as possible (between beers).  Up to  180,000 Burmese pythons have invaded Everglades National Park.  So, the park has declared open season on the dangerous snakes which can grow 20 feet long and weigh up to 200 lbs.
     What could go wrong?
      In one corner, we have drunken Rednecks!  About 30 of them are licensed and experienced snake hunters. The majority only needed to buy a $25 permit and watch a 30 minute training seminar to participate in Florida's first big snake hunt.  In the other corner, we have some of the largest constrictors in the world!  Burmese pythons have camouflaged brown and black skin, can climb trees and stay underwater for up to 30 minutes. They've already reduced the local population of small native mammals such as rabbits, opossums, raccoons and bobcats by up to 99%.  A few months ago, a 16-foot python was killed in Florida and found with a 76 lb. deer in it's stomach.
     Perhaps, the hunt was really proposed by the pythons to cull the Redneck population.
     Everglades National Park has been prudently closed to the general public from Jan. 12 to Feb. 10 for the duration of  Python Challenge 2013.  As of Thursday, the score stood Rednecks 21, Pythons 0.  A record cold snap during the first two weeks of 2010 might have already killed off the pythons and left few to be found this year.  The low temperatures are one reason the Python Challenge was held at this time.  Wildlife officials hoped the cold-blooded snakes would sluggishly slither into the open to warm themselves in the sunlight.  Personally, I think the obvious date to schedule a traditional snake drive would be St. Patrick's Day.
     Python Challenge 2013 will pay prizes to the most successful snake hunters.  The largest Burmese python killed will be worth $1,000.  The hunter who kills the most pythons will win $1,500.  Roadkill doesn't count.     The rules followed by the pythons are unknown but probably similar.
     The low number of snakes killed so far has not disappointed the organizers of Python Challenge 2013.  They admit the hunt is unlikely to stem the population explosion of pythons in Florida.  They say the hunt will teach a lot about Burmese pythons to the general public as well as the wildlife officials who are studying the problem.
    The snake hunt has already attracted a couple of local celebrities.  Democratic US Senator and beady-eyed-good-old-boy Bill Nelson futilely hunted the Everglades on Thursday.  Another participant is self-made millionaire "Alligator Ron" Bergeron.  Known for rodeo riding and gator wrestling, the 68-year-old rancher owns a fleet of air boats.  However, he hunts pythons from a black air boat adorned with a portrait of him riding a gator.
     So, has the state had any input into Python Challenge 2013?  What does the Florida Wildlife Commission think of all this commotion in Everglades National Park?   Oh.  Alligator Ron is a Florida Wildlife Commissioner (Bark up the wrong tree, and you find a nut).
     As the name suggests, Burmese pythons are native to southeast Asia.  Ironically, they are endangered there because the snakes are killed for their skins and captured to sell as pets in ... wait for it ... America!  About 99,000 Burmese pythons were imported to the US between 1996 and 2006 and were sold for as little as $20 each.  When they grew up, or fell out of fashion, many of them were set free in the wild.  The first Burmese python was spotted in the Everglades in 1979.  However, the population didn't take off until 1992 when Hurricane Andrew hit a python breeder in Florida.  The escaped pythons thrived in the isolated subtropical environment of southern Florida.  And when a daddy snake finds a mommy snake and loves her very, very much (insert cheesy synthesizer music here).  Female Burmese pythons can lay up to 100 eggs, and the hatchlings are larger and grow much faster than native Florida snakes.
      The hunters are required to "humanely" kill their catches by shooting them in the head or decapitating them with a machete.  Of course, the buzz killers at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals don't see it that way.  In a press release, PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk states,  "This bounty hunt is misguided in the first place, but allowing hunters to decapitate pythons, who remain alive and in agony and who will writhe for an hour even after their heads have been cut off - is despicably cruel.  Many of these animals were once pets, who have since been thrown out like garbage, and the Florida Wildlife Commission has an obligation to ensure that they don't suffer any more than they already have."
     What a stick-in-the-mud!
     PETA called on Florida snake hunters to sheath their machetes and kill the pythons with a merciful gunshot to the head.  Personally, I don't see how that is more humane.  If the snake can writhe around for an hour without any head at all, then it's brain is not a vital organ.  Then again, I could say the same about a lot of Rednecks.  So, I suppose it's an even duel of wits out in the Everglades.

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A Sign of Respect




This sign stands in the parking lot of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Old Englewood, Florida.  Other institutions reserve parking spots for emergency vehicles, the employee of the month or the high muck-a-muck.  This VFW clearly has a different priority.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Every Time He Thinks He's Out, They Pull him Back In.

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
NAPLES, FLORIDA - Boo Boo the bear is back in his cage safe and sound.
     Some residents of the Golden Gate area have kept their children inside since the 125 lb. grizzly cub escaped on Tuesday afternoon.  After three days of searching, he was spotted by neighbors about two miles from his home late on Thursday.  He was tranquilized and captured by authorities at about 1 p.m. today.
     Boo Boo, his brother Yogi and their mother are part of a licensed attraction called, "A Grizzly Experience."  Their owners also take the three bears to fairs and exhibits around the country and teach seminars on how to be safe near grizzly bears.
     Authorities have yet to decide whether or not Boo Boo's owners should face charges or fines over the incident.  They haven't even determined how Boo Boo escaped or how to prevent another breakout.  After a brief taste of freedom, they'll never hold him. He's probably already working on a tunnel.

This is a follow-up to an earlier story entitled "Smarter than the Average Bear."   

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Smells Suspicious




This perfume at a local discount store has an odd name.  When people put on perfume, usually they'd rather smell like something else.  The package also says this perfume is ironically an impression of Believe by Brittany Spears.  So, the makers aren't even trying to be themselves, they're trying to be Brittany Spears.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Smarter Than the Average Bear

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
NAPLES, FLORIDA - Local authorities are scouring Golden Gate Estates for an escaped grizzly bear.  State wildlife officers and  Collier County deputies are searching on foot, by car and in a low flying helicopter.  That's right. In CB radio jargon, they even have "a bear in the air."
     Everyone is still wondering how the grizzly bear escaped on Tuesday morning.  I'm wondering why there's a grizzly bear in Florida.  It turns out a local resident has permits for the THREE grizzlies that he keeps in a cage behind his house. WHY?  Because he uses them to teach local residents about being safe around grizzly bears.  That's odd.  Smaller black bears live in Florida.  However, there are no grizzly bears in the Florida wilderness... until NOW!  This guy has just created a need for his own seminars, and everyone in Naples is getting a free demo whether they want one or not!
     The man owns an adult Mama bear and two cubs.  Fortunately (and I use the word loosely), the escapee is one of the two-year-old cubs and not the big Mama.  So, the cub, named Boo-Boo, ONLY weighs 125 lbs.  An adult male grizzly can weigh up to ten times more.  Boo-Boo is not aggressive, but authorities are advising area residents not to approach him.  What if Boo-Boo approaches residents?  Local authorities say people shouldn't run away.  In the most questionable public safety tip since "duck and cover," local residents are advised to stand their ground, clap their hands loudly and shout, "Bear Go Home!"
     Right.
     If the neighbors believe that one, I have some swamp land I'd like to sell them in Florida.  Wait!  They already fell for that one!
     Where did clapping hands as a defensive strategy come from?  Is this one of the safety tips the owner has been teaching in his grizzly bear seminars?  And I thought playing dead was bad advise for surviving a bear attack.  I'll tell you what!  If you and I are walking through Naples and Boo-Boo comes along, you stay and clap.  I'll run like hell.  After you applaud the grizzly bear for mauling you, you should be able to do a VERY convincing job of playing dead.  By the time Boo-Boo Bear is done eating you, I'll have a healthy head start, and he'll be too bloated to catch me. That's my strategy for surviving a bear attack.  Maybe I'll teach my own seminar.
     This is Boo-Boo's first jaunt in the wild, and the two-year-old cub won't know how to survive.  So, nearby residents have been advised to thoroughly secure their garbage.  Authorities hope that Boo-Boo will find his way home.  They are also trying to use his brother, Yogi, to lure him out of the forest.  Based on their names, I'd recommend using picnic baskets as bait, but, hey, what do I know?  The whole clapping thing was news to me ...

This story of Boo-Boo's breakout is concluded in "Every Time He Thinks He's Out, They Pull Him Back In."

   
    
  
   
   
   

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Obama Destroys Death Star with The Farce

By Nicola Braun
Science Reporter
WASHINGTON, D.C. - There has been a tremendous disturbance in the Force, as if 34,435 geeks cried out together and were suddenly silenced.
     A petition to build a Death Star by 2016 has been shot down by US President Barack Obama.  The petition started in November on the White House's official We the People website.  Obama has a standing promise to reply to any petition there that gains more than 25,000 signatures.  So, thousands of smart and educated geeks decided to use this avenue to waste government time and money rather than do something constructive.
     Their proposal claims that building a Death Star would improve national defense and generate a lot of new jobs.   On Friday,  an official reply titled, "This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For" was issued by Paul Shawcross, chief science weenie at the White House Office of Management and Budget.  As the title suggests, the response is full of hip insider references to the Star Wars films.
     The White House lists three reasons for not building a Death Star.  The Obama administration does not approve of blowing up planets.  At a time when the White House is struggling to reduce the federal deficit, a Death Star would cost a budget-busting $850 quadrillion.  Don't let it be said that Obama is so liberal that he never met an expensive public program he didn't want to fund. Shawcross also pointed out that the giant space station had a fatal Achilles Heel in the form of a two-meter-wide-shaft leading directly to the reactor core.  This design flaw allowed Luke Skywalker to destroy the Death Star from a small X-wing fighter with a far more economical price tag.
     The online discussion does not mention the fact that we don't have the technology to exceed the speed of light or build a laser that can destroy an entire planet.  The $850 quadrillion price tag only covers the initial construction cost and not the ongoing payroll for manning a space station the size of a moon.
     In his response, Shawcross lists many recent scientific discoveries and accomplishments by NASA in a futile attempt to appease the sci-fi fans behind the Death Star petition.  This includes the International Space Station, a five-bedroom satellite the size of a football field that cost a paltry $100 billion to put into orbit.  
     "We are living in the future!  Enjoy it," Shawcross exalts, "Or, better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in science, technology, engineering or math-related field."
     Don't despair, science fiction nerds.  Another petition to build the starship Enterprise has already gathered over 19,000 signatures in the past month.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

What Did That Sign Say?




This sign stands in front of a condo complex in Venice, Florida.  Maybe they should boost their survival rate before bragging about how pet friendly they are here.  I hope they mean that only one unit is still vacant.

Goodwill Hunting

By Ralph Zenith
Business Reporter
VENICE, FLORIDA -  A recent visit to the local Goodwill Thrift Store turned up some unusual merchandise.  This town on the west coast of Florida is known for its many retired Jewish residents.  With this explanation in mind, let me tell you about some of my most bizarre discoveries this weekend.
      Among the many second hand board games in the store, I found Kosherland.  Not to be confused with Candyland, Kosherland challenges players to move down a long winding path to find their way home.  Along the way, they land on spaces that help or delay them, and reward players for reciting Hebrew prayers and blessings for various types of food.

     Displayed in the glass checkout counter at Goodwill, I found "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime."  This kit  from the American Heart Association promised to teach CPR in just 20 minutes.  The large box contained an instructional DVD and an almost life sized latex torso.  The kit even came with disinfecting moist towelettes, presumably to swab out the mannequin's gaping maw after each practice session of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  The large box resembled a board game and pictured a wholesome family of smiling models that looked lively enough to appear in a tampon commercial.
      Oh, by the way, the Goodwill Thrift Store in Venice was selling not one, but two, "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime" kits for just $9.99 each.  I'm sure that's a great deal, if you don't mind buying a second hand kit that has already been intimately used by total strangers.

     The hat rack in the Goodwill store displayed several bizarre and colorful hats.  This included three patriotic red, white and blue beanies with stars dangling from spikes like something worn by a court jester.  They were actually made in China instead of the USA.  The labels also indicated the manufacturer was a costume maker called Elope,  with the company slogan "Everyone's Laughing On Planet Earth."  Actually, if enough Americans wore those outlandish hats, everyone else on planet Earth would be laughing specifically at the USA.  The black hat with spangles to the far left in the above photo, was even more flamboyant.  That big, floppy hat looked like something worn by a pimp in Harlem during the 1970s.  Perhaps, they also retired to Venice, Florida.
     The most bizarre item of all was found back in the glass display counter.  The Goodwill Thrift Store was selling a fancy leather whip.  This was not a real whip for lashing animals.  With many tails made of soft suede, this whip was clearly designed for flogging masochists in Florida's thriving kinky sex subculture.  Yet, if someone is willing to pay $29.99 for a leather whip, the prim and proper folks at Goodwill are ready to look the other way.    

Scary Florida Sign



Here's a scary sign seen recently near Orlando, Florida.  A store specializing in knives is not the scariest part.  Topping their marquee with the fact that they sell knives is not the scariest part.  Locating a store filled with sharp weapons in a strip mall with "A Discount Beverage" store and a jeweler seems to be tempting fate, but even that is not the scariest part.  The scariest part of this sign is the cryptic "& More."  What more?  Swords?  Battle Axes?  Whatever "more" he sells, it's so gruesome that even a brazen knife dealer doesn't want to spell out exactly what IT is.  You'd think that a shopping plaza that includes a sign store AND a print shop would be able to produce a sign that was more precise and less scary.  Rednecks ... even if we take away their guns, we STILL won't feel safe.
Photo by Business Reporter Ralph Zenith.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Short Life of a Lion

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
NORFOLK, VIRGINIA - Local residents called 911 to report a lion frolicking down the streets Tuesday morning.  The police quickly called the Virginia Zoo to check if any lions had escaped.  Zoo workers found both lions quietly sleeping in their cage.
    However, the dubious Norfolk Police dispatchers continued to receive lion sightings.  Some frightened witnesses surmised that it was a juvenile lion because it was about the size of a Labrador retriever.  Actually, it was exactly the size of a Labrador retriever because that's what it turned out to be.  Charles the Monarch is a 3-year-old cross between a Labrador retriever and a poodle.  His owner shaves his brown fur to give him a lush mane and a big tuft at the end of his tail.  This is a traditional hairstyle for poodles that is actually called a lion cut.  It also makes Charles  resemble the lion mascot of Old Dominion University.  The owner of Charles is a big sports fan and his daughter attends the school.
     Charles the Monarch is already making the rounds on TV talk shows.  Over 34,000 people like his page on Facebook.


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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Keep On Jogging

Why do senior citizens continue to exercise?  There's not much time for a payoff.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

Not Very Appetizing

This variety gift pack was found at Big Lots while Christmas shopping.  Any hot sauce that comes in a package that shows Satan burning in Hell looks too spicy for me.  Photo by Ralph Zenith, business reporter.


Friday, January 4, 2013

What Goes Up Must Come Down

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
     Floridians welcomed the New Year by randomly shooting a small boy and a little old lady.  Both people made the mistake of watching public fireworks displays without wearing helmets.  The 8-year-old boy was hit in the right foot just before midnight Tuesday in Jacksonville.  The 67-year-old woman was shot in the wrist in St. Petersburg.  They were hit by celebratory gunfire as the bullets rained back to Earth on New Year's Eve.
     Celebratory gunfire is the time honored American tradition of expressing excitement by shooting a gun into the air, usually while shouting "Yee Haw!"  Bullets are small. The country is big.  What are the odds that someone will be hit?  Apparently, the chances are getting pretty good in Florida, where one in 20 people are licensed to carry concealed firearms.  This leads the nation with over one million permits for people to sneak around the state with guns.  It doesn't even include all the people with rifles and shotguns stored and displayed in their homes and vehicles.  Florida doesn't even keep track of them.
     Everyone shot on New Year's Eve in Florida wasn't hit by friendly fire.  Sgt. Larry Gleockler was patroling in Arcadia when he saw two trespassers in Oak Ridge Cemetery.  After calling backup, the 33-year-old officer approached the two youths.  One looked pale, thin and about 6-foot-six-inches tall.  Gleockler described the other youth as a foot shorter and having a "darker complexion."  The youths split-up and fled.  In a shocking break with southern tradition, Gleockler pursued the white suspect.
     Brandishing his electric Taser, Gleockler cornered the suspect against a headstone and a tree.  The youth turned to surrender with one hand raised overhead.  In his other hand, he carried a gun and shot Gleockler in the chest.  An 11-year veteran of the Arcadia Police Department, Gleockler knew enough to wear his bulletproof vest on New Year's Eve.  It deflected the slug from his heart.
     Finally seized by the holiday spirit, Gleockler dropped his wimpy Taser, drew his sidearm and returned fire with real bullets, like a red-blooded America!  His attacker fell to the ground.  Then he got up and ran away.  So, I'm thinking the youth was wearing a bulletproof vest too.  After all, it was New Year's Eve.  You see?  If everyone takes basic precautions, no one gets hurt. Well, not seriously hurt.  Gleockler was grazed in the shoulder and needed seven stitches.
     Florida authorities take a dim view of shooting police officers, even on New Year's Eve.  The Desoto and Sarasota county sheriffs scoured the area all night with deputies, dogs and even a helicopter in a flashy display of tax dollars.  When no one was captured, they offered a reward for information on the case.
     That's that.
     Now, if these three Americans had been shot by foreign terrorists, we'd already be bombing their home country, plus Iraq.  However, we take domestic violence in stride.  We accept an ambient level of danger because we live in a free country.  Winging a cop, a boy and a little old lady is a small price to pay for our civil liberties.  Cowards who want to live in safe slavery can get out of our country (if they can scale that big wall we just built).  We should be willing to face the same dangers that our forefathers did when they fought and died to protect our rights.  When the greatest generation stormed Omaha Beach, the GIs said:
     "We've got to destroy that bunker!  If the Nazis push us back, they could win the war and force affordable health insurance on future generations!"
     "Over my dead body, sarge!"
     BOOM!  BANG!  RAT-A-TAT-TAT
     "OK, then we have to charge up this hill!  A lot of us won't make it!  Those new fangled German assault rifles really throw a lot of lead!  They're darn good guns!  I want my grandchildren to buy them without any background checks or long waiting lists ... Aaargh!"
     "NO!  The krauts shot, sarge!  Let's go!  Do it for sarge, and for slightly lower taxes someday! Charge!"
     Those might not have been their exact words, but I'm sure that was the American spirit on D-Day.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Willy Wonka Meets Doctor Who

Kerste Milik, 16, poses with the gingerbread spaceman that she helped to build for the holidays.

By Socrates Paparazzi
Arts & Entertainment Reporter
MIDDLETON, CONNECTICUT - The traditional gingerbread house is too mundane for the Miliks.  In past years, this creative theater arts family has used holiday candy to build things such as the Eiffel Tower and Hogwart's school of magic.  This year, they built a 14-inch-tall gingerbread Dalek.
      For those who are not sci fi fans, the Daleks are the arch enemies of the BBC time traveler Doctor Who.   The cyborgs are known for hysterically screaming, "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" as they ride around in mechanized war machines that look like tricked out salt shakers.  Despite their genocidal tendencies, the power crazed aliens just seem funny to little seven-year-old Aeris Milik.
     "She's not scared of them at all," according to her father, Christian.
     When they noticed that Lindt chocolate balls look like the bumpy grill of a Dalek war machine, the idea for this year's Milik holiday project was born.  He said it took about five hours over one weekend to bake, build and decorate their unique creation.  A candy cane serves as the Dalek's ray gun and a lollipop has been substituted for the cyborg's plunger-like arm.  However, Christian said the greatest challenge was cementing together gingerbread panels to build the sides of the hollow war machine.  They used royal icing.  Christian said the whole sculpture is edible and is still being devoured.
     "People have just been, kinda, breaking off pieces," he said.

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