Saturday, January 12, 2013

Goodwill Hunting

By Ralph Zenith
Business Reporter
VENICE, FLORIDA -  A recent visit to the local Goodwill Thrift Store turned up some unusual merchandise.  This town on the west coast of Florida is known for its many retired Jewish residents.  With this explanation in mind, let me tell you about some of my most bizarre discoveries this weekend.
      Among the many second hand board games in the store, I found Kosherland.  Not to be confused with Candyland, Kosherland challenges players to move down a long winding path to find their way home.  Along the way, they land on spaces that help or delay them, and reward players for reciting Hebrew prayers and blessings for various types of food.

     Displayed in the glass checkout counter at Goodwill, I found "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime."  This kit  from the American Heart Association promised to teach CPR in just 20 minutes.  The large box contained an instructional DVD and an almost life sized latex torso.  The kit even came with disinfecting moist towelettes, presumably to swab out the mannequin's gaping maw after each practice session of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  The large box resembled a board game and pictured a wholesome family of smiling models that looked lively enough to appear in a tampon commercial.
      Oh, by the way, the Goodwill Thrift Store in Venice was selling not one, but two, "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime" kits for just $9.99 each.  I'm sure that's a great deal, if you don't mind buying a second hand kit that has already been intimately used by total strangers.

     The hat rack in the Goodwill store displayed several bizarre and colorful hats.  This included three patriotic red, white and blue beanies with stars dangling from spikes like something worn by a court jester.  They were actually made in China instead of the USA.  The labels also indicated the manufacturer was a costume maker called Elope,  with the company slogan "Everyone's Laughing On Planet Earth."  Actually, if enough Americans wore those outlandish hats, everyone else on planet Earth would be laughing specifically at the USA.  The black hat with spangles to the far left in the above photo, was even more flamboyant.  That big, floppy hat looked like something worn by a pimp in Harlem during the 1970s.  Perhaps, they also retired to Venice, Florida.
     The most bizarre item of all was found back in the glass display counter.  The Goodwill Thrift Store was selling a fancy leather whip.  This was not a real whip for lashing animals.  With many tails made of soft suede, this whip was clearly designed for flogging masochists in Florida's thriving kinky sex subculture.  Yet, if someone is willing to pay $29.99 for a leather whip, the prim and proper folks at Goodwill are ready to look the other way.    

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