Python Challenge 2013

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
EVERGLADES, FLORIDA - When He kicked Adam and Eve out of Eden, God said to the serpent, "I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed. He shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel."
     Well, God wasn't just whistling Dixie.
     Like a scene from a B-grade horror film, over 800 hunters are crashing through the swamp with guns and machetes this weekend.  Their goal is to kill as many Burmese pythons as possible (between beers).  Up to  180,000 Burmese pythons have invaded Everglades National Park.  So, the park has declared open season on the dangerous snakes which can grow 20 feet long and weigh up to 200 lbs.
     What could go wrong?
      In one corner, we have drunken Rednecks!  About 30 of them are licensed and experienced snake hunters. The majority only needed to buy a $25 permit and watch a 30 minute training seminar to participate in Florida's first big snake hunt.  In the other corner, we have some of the largest constrictors in the world!  Burmese pythons have camouflaged brown and black skin, can climb trees and stay underwater for up to 30 minutes. They've already reduced the local population of small native mammals such as rabbits, opossums, raccoons and bobcats by up to 99%.  A few months ago, a 16-foot python was killed in Florida and found with a 76 lb. deer in it's stomach.
     Perhaps, the hunt was really proposed by the pythons to cull the Redneck population.
     Everglades National Park has been prudently closed to the general public from Jan. 12 to Feb. 10 for the duration of  Python Challenge 2013.  As of Thursday, the score stood Rednecks 21, Pythons 0.  A record cold snap during the first two weeks of 2010 might have already killed off the pythons and left few to be found this year.  The low temperatures are one reason the Python Challenge was held at this time.  Wildlife officials hoped the cold-blooded snakes would sluggishly slither into the open to warm themselves in the sunlight.  Personally, I think the obvious date to schedule a traditional snake drive would be St. Patrick's Day.
     Python Challenge 2013 will pay prizes to the most successful snake hunters.  The largest Burmese python killed will be worth $1,000.  The hunter who kills the most pythons will win $1,500.  Roadkill doesn't count.     The rules followed by the pythons are unknown but probably similar.
     The low number of snakes killed so far has not disappointed the organizers of Python Challenge 2013.  They admit the hunt is unlikely to stem the population explosion of pythons in Florida.  They say the hunt will teach a lot about Burmese pythons to the general public as well as the wildlife officials who are studying the problem.
    The snake hunt has already attracted a couple of local celebrities.  Democratic US Senator and beady-eyed-good-old-boy Bill Nelson futilely hunted the Everglades on Thursday.  Another participant is self-made millionaire "Alligator Ron" Bergeron.  Known for rodeo riding and gator wrestling, the 68-year-old rancher owns a fleet of air boats.  However, he hunts pythons from a black air boat adorned with a portrait of him riding a gator.
     So, has the state had any input into Python Challenge 2013?  What does the Florida Wildlife Commission think of all this commotion in Everglades National Park?   Oh.  Alligator Ron is a Florida Wildlife Commissioner (Bark up the wrong tree, and you find a nut).
     As the name suggests, Burmese pythons are native to southeast Asia.  Ironically, they are endangered there because the snakes are killed for their skins and captured to sell as pets in ... wait for it ... America!  About 99,000 Burmese pythons were imported to the US between 1996 and 2006 and were sold for as little as $20 each.  When they grew up, or fell out of fashion, many of them were set free in the wild.  The first Burmese python was spotted in the Everglades in 1979.  However, the population didn't take off until 1992 when Hurricane Andrew hit a python breeder in Florida.  The escaped pythons thrived in the isolated subtropical environment of southern Florida.  And when a daddy snake finds a mommy snake and loves her very, very much (insert cheesy synthesizer music here).  Female Burmese pythons can lay up to 100 eggs, and the hatchlings are larger and grow much faster than native Florida snakes.
      The hunters are required to "humanely" kill their catches by shooting them in the head or decapitating them with a machete.  Of course, the buzz killers at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals don't see it that way.  In a press release, PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk states,  "This bounty hunt is misguided in the first place, but allowing hunters to decapitate pythons, who remain alive and in agony and who will writhe for an hour even after their heads have been cut off - is despicably cruel.  Many of these animals were once pets, who have since been thrown out like garbage, and the Florida Wildlife Commission has an obligation to ensure that they don't suffer any more than they already have."
     What a stick-in-the-mud!
     PETA called on Florida snake hunters to sheath their machetes and kill the pythons with a merciful gunshot to the head.  Personally, I don't see how that is more humane.  If the snake can writhe around for an hour without any head at all, then it's brain is not a vital organ.  Then again, I could say the same about a lot of Rednecks.  So, I suppose it's an even duel of wits out in the Everglades.

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