The Puppet Apocalypse Begins

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
WASHINGTON, DC - Lock your windows and barricade the doors!  The puppet uprising has begun!  I WARNED YOU this would happen!  But you all LAUGHED at me!  Well, the Million Puppet March starts at 10 a.m. Saturday.  Count Count is still working on an exact figure, but approximately 600 puppeteers and their puppets are expected to march from Lincoln Park to the Grant Memorial. They CLAIM it will be a peaceful demonstration to support federal funding for the Public Television System.  HA!  I wouldn't be surprised if it ended with Kermit and the Grover dancing a jig on the White House roof as the capitol burns!
      Well, how much did we expect our beloved fuzzy friends to take?  For years, they gave us unconditional love and laughter.  In return, we tried to rename the Cookie Monster the Veggie Monster.  We doctored photos on the internet to link Bert with Osama Bin Laden.  Then we accused Bert of having a gay relationship with his "longtime companion" Ernie.  Some panhandler in an Elmo costume even spewed profanities at New York tourists if they wouldn't pay to have their pictures taken with him.  However, the feather that broke the canary's back came just a few weeks ago.  In a televised presidential debate, Republican nominee and Mormon Bishop Mitt Romney threatened to fire Big Bird to balance the federal budget.
     Well, Judgment Day has arrived!
      The capitol riot police won't be able to put down the puppet uprising.  There's a ten-foot height limit on the puppets in the march!  Miss Piggy knows karate, and the Cookie Monster eats everything in sight!  And this is just the beginning.  After Washington, D.C. falls, similar puppet marches are planned for New York City, Boston, Atlanta, Seattle, Britain and New Zealand.  Just before the power goes off in each city, the last broadcast we hear will probably be the insane laughter of Tickle Me Elmo.
     So, this is how the world ends.
     This is how the world ends.
     This is how the world ends.
     Not with a BANG, but a giggle ...


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