Tickle me, Elmo honey!

By Socrates Paparazzi
Arts and Entertainment Reporter
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - It's been a bad year for muppets.
     Kevin Clash has resigned after 28 years as the voice of Elmo on Sesame Street.  A second young man has accused Clash of having sex with a minor  His first accuser retracted the allegation within 24 hours of his story going public earlier this month.  However, a second accuser is standing by the charges.  The 24-year-old man claims that Clash had sexual contact with him when he was just 15.  His federal lawsuit alleges that Clash met him through a gay chat line.  He reportedly courted the boy with expensive meals and money during a torrid two-week affair of sexual contact without intercourse.  According to his lawyer, the victim is suing Clash after all these years to heal from the trauma, to spare other victims from his sexual depravity and for $5 million.
      Clash has won 23 daytime Emmys, including 4 in a row for best performer in a children's series.  He became more famous when he stepped out as the man behind, ummm - the man under Elmo.  Clash made the circuit of TV talk shows to promote his 2006 autobiography, "My Life as a Furry Red Monster" and his 2011 documentary "Being Elmo, a Puppeteer's Journey."  His accuser was shocked to learn Clash was the puppeteer for the beloved muppet.  I was shocked to learn that Elmo's shrill voice is provided by a big, shiny, bald, black, dude who is 53-years-old and openly gay.  Then again, this would answer some questions about the Tickle-me Elmo toy.  I always wondered why, if you tickle the doll's belly for too long, he stops giggling and whispers, "Lower."
       Clash seems like a nice enough guy with a good sense of humor.  I hope he's innocent, for his sake.  If a man over 21 years old, is convicted of having sex with anyone under 17 years old, the State of New York considers him guilty of a felony.  Child molesters are especially persecuted by the "regular" killers and rapists in prison.  If Clash goes to jail, he will probably learn first hand what it feels like to be a muppet.