A Butt Clenching Headline

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA -  A headline in the Nov. 20 issue of The Englewood Sun suggests that Governor Rick Scott is wildly exceeding his authority.  The headline on page 5 reads, "Scott asks inspector general to probe Citizens."
    All of us?
    With all due respect, I think Governor Scott overestimates the sexual prowess of our inspector general.
     A closer reading of the article offered an explanation that was almost as funny as the headline.  Our governor has ordered an investigation of a state-backed company called Citizens Property Insurance Corp.  He said he was concerned about the firing of four employees at Citizens.  They were investigating the mismanagement of company funds when Citizens fired them.  Hmmm ... I'm sure it was just a coincidence.
     Just the same, I was glad to read that the Florida inspector general, Melinda Miguel, is a woman and not a man.  I was relieved!

Thrown off the Fiscal Cliff

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
ENGLEWOOD, FLORIDA - I love to deliberately misinterpret a newspaper headline.  The Friday edition of the local Englewood Sun contained the following headline on page 1 of The Wire section.
      "Obama, congressional leaders to meet on 'fiscal cliff.'"
     That sounds like a dramatic Mafia negotiation from a "Godfather" film.  It's the type of scene that can only  end with someone getting thrown off.  I can just picture Obama calmly watching as Republican mouthpiece John Boehner gets heaved over the edge.  Boehner is still screaming on the way down as the president coolly lights a cigarette and says, "You'll find our common ground when you hit the bottom, scumbag."
      Starring Morgan Freeman.  Coming soon to theaters near you!

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