Roseanne Barr Runs for President

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
FLORIDA - Americans don't have to hold their noses and vote for Democratic President and illegal immigrant Barack Obama or the other white meat, Republican Mitt Romney.  There are many other candidates for president that have been completely ignored by the mainstream media.  Twelve different nominees appear on the Florida ballot, second only to Colorado with 16 choices.
     When I got a sample Florida ballot, I was not surprised to see alternative candidates from the Libertarian Party, the Green Party, the Reform Party, communists, socialists and other small fry of the lunatic fringe. However, I did not expect to see the name of 1990s sitcom star Roseanne Barr.
      After the Green Party passed over her to nominate Dr. Jill Stein for president, Barr fell even further down the political food chain and secured the nomination of the Peace and Freedom Party.  Based in California, the Peace and Freedom Party advocates the legalization of marijuana and gay marriage.  On the campaign trail, Barr has also vowed to bring down the bankers and the Federal Reserve which caused the Great Recession.
      Barr appears on the election ballot in California, Colorado and Florida with her vice presidential running mate Cindy Sheehan.  I recognized Sheehan's name, but, at first, I couldn't place her.  After her son died in the invasion of Iraq, Sheehan became a prominent anti-war activist.  You may remember her prolonged demonstration outside the Texas ranch of specially-abled Republican President George Bush.
     So, Sheehan brings a little credibility to the Peace and Freedom Party ticket.  However, I don't think I could stand having a  loudmouth like Roseanne Barr as president for four whole years.  Remember how she defiled the national anthem at a baseball game?  Just imagine what she would do to somber presidential traditions.  Picture her riding a motorcycle up the Capitol steps to deliver the State of the Union Address through her nose and chewing gum during press conferences.  I can just see President Barr living in a trailer on the lawn while the White House is fumigated for head lice and bed bugs.
     No.  NOoooo!  No thank you!  We already elected one nut farmer to the oval office, then a daffy actor, and he was even worse!