Showing posts with label funny pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny pictures. Show all posts

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Stinky Product Name


Most car fresheners hang from the rear view mirror and smell like a pine tree.  A local discount store is selling these unusual car fresheners that open like a can of Sterno.  What does baby doll scent smell like?  Is it a pungent mix of drool, sour milk and soiled diapers?  What other products will be brought to us by the makers of Can-O-Scent?  Bottle-O-Smell?  Jar-O-Stink?  How about the family size Bucket-O-Stench?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Questionable Market Strategy


At the local Big Lots discount store, I've found a line of Sesame Street soaps and shampoos.  My favorite is this hair detangler spray because when I want my hair to look good ... I want to look like a Muppet.  Photo by Ralph Zenith Business Reporter www.silly-news.com

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

A Man of Many Hats





On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I saw these 3 helmets for sale at the Goodwill Thrift Store in Port Charlotte, Florida.  The helmets on the left and right were obviously construction site hardhats.  The pink, German, crash helmet in the center baffled me.  Was it donated to Goodwill by a member of a gay, Nazi bike gang?
Photo by Ralph Zenith, Business Reporter, www.silly-news.com

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Smells Suspicious




This perfume at a local discount store has an odd name.  When people put on perfume, usually they'd rather smell like something else.  The package also says this perfume is ironically an impression of Believe by Brittany Spears.  So, the makers aren't even trying to be themselves, they're trying to be Brittany Spears.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

What Did That Sign Say?




This sign stands in front of a condo complex in Venice, Florida.  Maybe they should boost their survival rate before bragging about how pet friendly they are here.  I hope they mean that only one unit is still vacant.

Goodwill Hunting

By Ralph Zenith
Business Reporter
VENICE, FLORIDA -  A recent visit to the local Goodwill Thrift Store turned up some unusual merchandise.  This town on the west coast of Florida is known for its many retired Jewish residents.  With this explanation in mind, let me tell you about some of my most bizarre discoveries this weekend.
      Among the many second hand board games in the store, I found Kosherland.  Not to be confused with Candyland, Kosherland challenges players to move down a long winding path to find their way home.  Along the way, they land on spaces that help or delay them, and reward players for reciting Hebrew prayers and blessings for various types of food.

     Displayed in the glass checkout counter at Goodwill, I found "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime."  This kit  from the American Heart Association promised to teach CPR in just 20 minutes.  The large box contained an instructional DVD and an almost life sized latex torso.  The kit even came with disinfecting moist towelettes, presumably to swab out the mannequin's gaping maw after each practice session of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  The large box resembled a board game and pictured a wholesome family of smiling models that looked lively enough to appear in a tampon commercial.
      Oh, by the way, the Goodwill Thrift Store in Venice was selling not one, but two, "Family & Friends, CPR Anytime" kits for just $9.99 each.  I'm sure that's a great deal, if you don't mind buying a second hand kit that has already been intimately used by total strangers.

     The hat rack in the Goodwill store displayed several bizarre and colorful hats.  This included three patriotic red, white and blue beanies with stars dangling from spikes like something worn by a court jester.  They were actually made in China instead of the USA.  The labels also indicated the manufacturer was a costume maker called Elope,  with the company slogan "Everyone's Laughing On Planet Earth."  Actually, if enough Americans wore those outlandish hats, everyone else on planet Earth would be laughing specifically at the USA.  The black hat with spangles to the far left in the above photo, was even more flamboyant.  That big, floppy hat looked like something worn by a pimp in Harlem during the 1970s.  Perhaps, they also retired to Venice, Florida.
     The most bizarre item of all was found back in the glass display counter.  The Goodwill Thrift Store was selling a fancy leather whip.  This was not a real whip for lashing animals.  With many tails made of soft suede, this whip was clearly designed for flogging masochists in Florida's thriving kinky sex subculture.  Yet, if someone is willing to pay $29.99 for a leather whip, the prim and proper folks at Goodwill are ready to look the other way.    

Scary Florida Sign



Here's a scary sign seen recently near Orlando, Florida.  A store specializing in knives is not the scariest part.  Topping their marquee with the fact that they sell knives is not the scariest part.  Locating a store filled with sharp weapons in a strip mall with "A Discount Beverage" store and a jeweler seems to be tempting fate, but even that is not the scariest part.  The scariest part of this sign is the cryptic "& More."  What more?  Swords?  Battle Axes?  Whatever "more" he sells, it's so gruesome that even a brazen knife dealer doesn't want to spell out exactly what IT is.  You'd think that a shopping plaza that includes a sign store AND a print shop would be able to produce a sign that was more precise and less scary.  Rednecks ... even if we take away their guns, we STILL won't feel safe.
Photo by Business Reporter Ralph Zenith.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Not Very Appetizing

This variety gift pack was found at Big Lots while Christmas shopping.  Any hot sauce that comes in a package that shows Satan burning in Hell looks too spicy for me.  Photo by Ralph Zenith, business reporter.


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Willy Wonka Meets Doctor Who

Kerste Milik, 16, poses with the gingerbread spaceman that she helped to build for the holidays.

By Socrates Paparazzi
Arts & Entertainment Reporter
MIDDLETON, CONNECTICUT - The traditional gingerbread house is too mundane for the Miliks.  In past years, this creative theater arts family has used holiday candy to build things such as the Eiffel Tower and Hogwart's school of magic.  This year, they built a 14-inch-tall gingerbread Dalek.
      For those who are not sci fi fans, the Daleks are the arch enemies of the BBC time traveler Doctor Who.   The cyborgs are known for hysterically screaming, "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" as they ride around in mechanized war machines that look like tricked out salt shakers.  Despite their genocidal tendencies, the power crazed aliens just seem funny to little seven-year-old Aeris Milik.
     "She's not scared of them at all," according to her father, Christian.
     When they noticed that Lindt chocolate balls look like the bumpy grill of a Dalek war machine, the idea for this year's Milik holiday project was born.  He said it took about five hours over one weekend to bake, build and decorate their unique creation.  A candy cane serves as the Dalek's ray gun and a lollipop has been substituted for the cyborg's plunger-like arm.  However, Christian said the greatest challenge was cementing together gingerbread panels to build the sides of the hollow war machine.  They used royal icing.  Christian said the whole sculpture is edible and is still being devoured.
     "People have just been, kinda, breaking off pieces," he said.

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Thursday, November 29, 2012

No Sign of Birds

By Rainbow Starr
Environmental Reporter
PUNTA GORDA, FLORIDA - Part time residents of this area are called snowbirds.  They live most of the year further North.  They flock to SW Florida to escape the snow between Halloween and Easter.
     The same is true for many actual birds in this area.  They don't migrate through Florida in the spring and fall.  This is actually their final destination.  These birds are said to "winter over" until they fly North again in the spring.  My recent sightings of several new ducks encouraged me to go bird watching again on Thursday afternoon.  This time I ventured further inland.  I spent several hours trooping around the trails at the Charlotte Harbor Environmental Center. Affectionately referred to as CHEC, it is a non-profit, private wildlife refuge at 10941 Burnt Store Road.  It sits in the protected area around Charlotte Harbor that is likely to flood if the waters rise.  So, I figured I should explore the place before global warming goes too far.
     This was only my second visit to CHEC, and it may well be my last. Not only did I see few birds, for most of my hike, I didn't even HEAR any birds.  Except for the rustling of leaves and branches in the wind, everything was completely silent.  I felt like I was bird watching after the apocalypse.
      I'm not saying there was no wildlife at the CHEC.  During the first hour, I jumped out of my skin when a big black racer snake slithered noisily into the dry underbrush.  During the second hour, my hiking companion almost stepped on a glass lizard.  That legless green reptile looks just like a snake.  It gets its name from the ability to snap off its tail to befuddle a predator.  As the tail flaps by reflex in the jaws of an attacker, the main body of the glass lizard can slither away.  I swear, the lizard actually sacrifices most of its body so the remainder can escape.  This seems like a wasteful survival tactic to me.  It is only surpassed by the local poisonous tree frogs.  Any predator that swallows one of them dies with convulsions about 24 hours later.  How does that help the frog?  Their natural defense is to leave a bad aftertaste.
      As a newly minted graduate of the Florida Master Naturalist Program, my fellow hiker found more to interest her at CHEC than I did.  While I futilely scanned overhead for birds, she found mushrooms, moss, grass, coffee plants and exotic flowers one the ground.  Many of these things were conveniently labeled by small signs and plaques by the side of the trails.  We grew spoiled.  When we found a sign about bald eagles, we were disappointed there wasn't one perched right behind it.
      Some of the other signs at CHEC were less helpful and more puzzling.

     This sign seemed to suggest that the hawk eats the sun to complete the circle of life.
      Small white arrows helped us follow the hiking trails at CHEC.  At one point, even these simple arrows seemed to lead us astray.  The hiker in the photo below was justifiably confused about which sign to believe.
     Seriously, why would the trail lead hikers into the jaws of alligators?
     The trail blazers at CHEC employed the process of elimination with some of their signs.  It may have been a bit overgrown, but that was definitely a trail beside this sign.  I wasn't sure what to make of it.  Were they hiding something down there?  They may as well have posted a sign reading, "Turn back! There's nothing to see here! Move along!"
     Many plaques and statues in Florida are just monuments to the people who paid for them.  They do nothing to educate tourists.  They are just covered with the names of the donors and fundraisers.  On some of the wooden bridges and boardwalks at CHEC, every single timber is etched with the names and sentiments of contributors.    
      I didn't know Mr. Derrick.  Unless he was a dried up, dead twig, this plaque doesn't do him justice.
     Our futile hike ended at the CHEC observation blind.  We quietly entered the back of the shack and sat at a large window overlooking a bunch of bird baths, bird houses and bird feeders.  I felt like the witness of a crime sitting behind a one-way mirror on CSI.  Unfortunately, the bird feeders were empty of seed as well as birds.  At least we saw some vultures, herons and a bald eagle flying above the treetops.  However, those are pretty easy to see anywhere in SW Florida.
      Eventually, a solitary palm warbler arrived at the blind (one of the most abundant birds in SW Florida).  He perched on a low branch and nervously looked around for about 10 minutes before dropping down to take a sip of water. When I stood to get a better view, the warbler flew away.  Suspiciously, I walked around the front of the "observation blind."  Sure enough, the birds could see us inside as clear as day.  I don't think CHEC understands what "observation blind" really means.
     We were leaving CHEC in abject defeat when we came upon a gopher tortoise munching on some grass.  He was standing in the middle of some fire ant mounds.  So, I have to salute the turtle's resolve even as I question his judgment.  We also saw a large gator laying beside a pond near the visitor center.
     The sun was literally setting as we walked to the parking lot.  Of course, that's when CHEC sprang to life!  We finally saw a red-shoulder hawk perched in the distance and a great horned owl, perched low beside the entry road.  We even scared off a big, black wild pig that was rummaging around the CHEC administrative buildings.  We saw more wildlife in the last five minutes of our hike than in the first three hours.
      The forest was beautiful and the weather couldn't have been nicer.  However, as a bird watching destination, the CHEC is a great place to see reptiles.











Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Multi-layered Political Vandalism


This large political sign stands by the side of Placida Road in Grove City, Florida.  The multiple levels of vandalism reflect a presidential election that has become particularly nasty.  Even more political signs have been damaged in nearby Northport.  The original sign in this photo attacked the record of Democratic President Barack Obama.  Then a Zorro wanna-be defaced the sign with black spray paint.  Eventually, a third level of commentary was applied with marker on green tape.  Perhaps future archaeologists will decipher the decline of US political discourse when they excavate this sign from the ruins of our once-great nation.  Photo by Mark Lucas.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Careful Where You Park

I always thought Jesus was a carpenter.  Actually, there are many large vehicles parked outside the places of business that they advertise throughout SW Florida.  Presumably the business owners cannot pay the taxes or obtain the permits for conventional roadside signs. The monster truck pictured above was photographed recently outside a tire company on Veterans Boulevard in Port Charlotte.  Note, that this particular truck is not connected to the story below.

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
PUNTA GORDA, FLORIDA - A girl's first car was crushed repeatedly by a monster truck because of a big misunderstanding, according to a Ft. Myers man.
      He was one of the 1000s of people who attended an outdoor concert and off road rally at a popular mud pit known as The Redneck Yacht Club on Feb. 25. The annual Swamp Cabbage Weekend is touted as the largest mud party in the state of Florida. Just before 5 a.m., the 40-year-old Ft. Myers man found a crowd cheering two other truckers who were vainly trying to run over a 1994 Toyota Camry. However, their trucks weren't big enough to get 'er done. So, the Ft. Myers man saved the show with the five-foot-tall tires of his own camouflaged van.  That's when a shocked 16-year-old attendee returned from a nearby mud pit and exclaimed that her car was not part of the monster truck rally.
     The Charlotte County Sheriff's Department replied to the girl's call. Witnesses described the responsible truck driver as a man in his 40s with spiked gray hair and a white T-shirt. However, police still needed an eyewitness to single the Ft. Myers man out of the crowd. Fancy that.
     The Ft. Myers truck driver was arrested and charged with criminal mischief. Video of him crushing the girl's car went viral on the internet.  The Ft. Myers man was classy enough to pay the girl $6,500 to replace her car. However, he claimed the staff at The Redneck Yacht Club had given him permission to finish destroying the car, which was already badly damaged by the first two trucks.
     His jury trial was scheduled to start Monday. However, the 40-year-old man avoided a trial and a verdict by pleading no contest and paying the court's costs. He did not confess guilt, but just wanted to move on with his life. It is not known if he will be reinstated into the prestigious Redneck Yacht Club.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

National People Week


By Ralph Zenith
Business Reporter
ENGLEWOOD, FLORIDA - No business wants to alienate potential customers, but this sign at the corner of Beach Road and Rt. 776 seemed excessively vague. Apparently, McDonald's was not grateful to other primates, lower animals and alien races.  However, I'm a person, and I didn't want to miss any special deals. So, I inquired about the mysterious sign inside.
      The explanation was surprisingly simple. During the past week, McDonald's showed its appreciation to its many hard-working employees with some minor gifts. For example, the families of employees could eat at a discount. This Englewood McDonald's also posted baby pictures of its employees on a bulletin board and asked customers to guess their identities. When the names were revealed, some workers were razzed for their cute appearance as infants. Others were embarrassed to have their true ages hinted at by their old fashioned baby clothing and obsolete photographs. The youngest teenage workers posted digital baby pictures. The older employees had to display primitive black & white images taken by an ancient form of instant photography called ... a Polaroid.
      They shouldn't feel bad. I'm so old, my baby pictures are chiseled on stone tablets beside mummies and pharoahs! :-)