What the Grinch Stole this Christmas

By Scoop Cooper
Crime Reporter
ORLANDO, FLORIDA - Where does an 800 pound gorilla statue go?  Quite a few places, actually.
     Just before Thanksgiving, a 4-foot-tall bronze statue of a gorilla was stolen from the Metropolitan Express hotel.  This already poses three questions. Why did the hotel have a giant bronze statue of a gorilla?  Why would someone steal it and how?
     Well, the hotel is decorated with a jungle theme, including not one, but two, gorilla statues.  The other one  has been chained to a tree since the theft.  The stolen gorilla stood beside the hotel pool, until someone pushed it into the water.  It took 10 hotel workers to get it out and move it outside the pool fence.  So, they were surprised when the statue disappeared.  They suspected that drunks took it after a nearby bar closed at 2:30 a.m. November 24.  Why?  Well, the 800 pound bronze statue is worth between $5,000 and $8,000.
     In early December, the statue was found about four miles from the hotel by a man walking his dog.  It looked like someone had backed up a truck and dumped it into the brush.  The statue slid easily across the wet leaves on the ground. With the help of ONE friend and a dolly, they delivered it to the nearby doorstep of a mutual friend.  So, the 10 hotel workers who moved the gorilla initially were either lazy or weak or both.
     Anyway, the mutual friend was startled when he returned home later to find a giant gorilla standing inexplicably on his doorstep.  He left it standing on his porch for three weeks.  Then, on Tuesday, he did a Google search for a missing bronze gorilla and found an article about the mysterious statue.  It was a Christmas Miracle!
     Police are not filing any charges in connection with the incident.  The hotel just needs to retrieve the heavy statue.  Perhaps, they will send 10 weakling staff workers to pick it up like a bunch of bumbling Keystone Cops.  There is no formal reward for the return of the statue.  However, the bartender at the hotel's Tiki bar did offer a free round of Christmas spirits for anyone who helped to find the wayward gorilla.