A Laughable Debate

By Mark Lucas
News Editor
DANVILLE, KENTUCKY - Vice President Joe Biden laughed his slick opponent right off the stage at Thursday night's debate.
      The event didn't seem to follow the script prepared by Republican US Congressman and snake oil salesman Paul Ryan. At times, Ryan spouted lines that were clearly rehearsed, but out of touch with what was happening. He tried to silence Biden with a reference to the recent loss of the Democratic campaign's substantial lead.
      "I know you're under duress," Ryan said, implying that Biden was under pressure to perform..
      Actually, Biden, known as a veteran "Happy Warrior" of national politics spent much of the debate smiling and laughing at Ryan's claims. Showing both candidates simultaneously on the TV screen accentuated Biden's reactions to his poor opponent. As Ryan spoke, Biden hovered over his shoulder looking like his conscience or a translator for the hearing impaired. Biden continually shook his head and corrected Ryan's lies.
     Early in the debate, Biden described Ryan's statements as just a bunch of "stuff," barely refraining from the use of a more profane word. When the moderator pressed Biden to explain what he meant by "stuff." Ryan insulted himself by translating that Biden viewed the Republican positions as a bunch of "malarkey."
      Ryan bragged that his muppet hating running mate, Mitt Romney, worked with Democrats while serving as the Republican governor of Massachusetts. Biden pointed out that Romney is so unpopular in Massachusetts that he is not even bothering to campaign there now.
      Eventually, Biden began talking over Ryan's sales pitches. At one point, Biden actually dismissed Ryan with a wave of his hand and said, "Blah, blah, blah."
       Ryan accused the Democrats of trying to scare voters because they couldn't campaign on their record. Biden fell back on a political career which is longer and more distinguished than all of the other presidential and vice presidential candidates combined. In his most effective moments, Biden took his argument directly to the viewers, instead of his opponent or the moderator.
      "Folks, follow your instincts on this one," Biden said, looking into the camera on several occasions. "Their ideas are old, and their ideas are bad ... Who do you trust on this? ... My record stands for itself."
       Even in his closing statement, Biden sought to reassure, rather than frighten, the audience. He vowed the administration of Democratic President and Kenyan expatriate Barack Obama would oppose any Republican plans to allow private businesses to take over Social Security or Medicare.
       "It's going to be OK. That's what this election is all about," Biden concluded.
       Immediately after the vice presidential debate, the hired pundits of the conservative-owned media took to the airwaves to tell the viewers what they had just seen with their own eyes. Even they couldn't sell the idea of a Republican victory to the public this time. However, since Ryan was able to walk off the stage under his own power, the commentators did declare the vice presidential debate a tie.